Reluctant to post this one…Reading death/Is death reading me?

But I’m reading the obituaries again (despite Sean’s comment - see Tuesday December 20, 2005, “Obituary”, The Guelph Mercury calls their death section “Obituaries”). It’s so different this time…only a month after my dad’s death. I received the phone call on Monday. My old, dear friend Don died suddenly of a heart attack last Friday. I was in shock for at least an hour – flitting around my office, picking up pieces of paper randomly, reading a little, putting them down, checking my email incessantly as if some words, something I could read, some news would come to make it all make sense. I also had to be practical and write a couple of people who would want to know, would be, like me, like me, shocked and reading…

One of the practical things that I did was look for Don’s death notice on line. I’d already been given the “what to do next” info. on the phone but, as with my dad, I needed to see the announcement of his death in black and white and read it. What did I learn? Nothing about the cause of death or the events leading up to it, just the word “suddenly” and Don’s age (which I already knew – though “in his 58th year” is not the way I would have said it…as if he were stretching towards May 14th – his next birthday, not quite reaching it). I read the names of his family members some who I know, some who I don’t know…reading that they will plant a tree in Don’s memory made me feel much better and much worse as he and I spent a lot of time walking in the woods and cross country skiing so long ago now...I was worried about the funeral home so it did reassure me to see in black and white that it’s not the same one we used for my dad.

I didn’t want to have to go back there again so soon.