My destiny calls, and I go

I was thinking again about Seven Types of Ambiguity. The book is now somewhere in the library system, not in my hands. I think the trigger was a conversation I had about Bratz (the dolls that usurped Barbie) and whether they ominously model a glam-hooker look for little girls. I guess I was reminded of Seven Types because of this. I began to think about whether Angie herself is an ambiguity or just a stereotype. The story, as far as I got in it, took a little twist in her chapter. She’s got a medical problem now that complicates things. Because of the non-chronological time sequence in the book, we’ve already seen the partial results of this even though we had no explanation for it at the time we read about it. This certainly created an ambiguity or potential for ambiguity. As it is with all anti-social acts, we, on the outside, are wondering why what happened in the story happened, ‘what was that person thinking?’ It’s interesting. I’ve resolved to continue reading the book, squeeze it in right after I finish Ivanhoe which I think will be soon. It’s a book at its page-turner stage. Everyone is in position. It's the climax. We're sitting poised at the top of the roller coaster. The Black Knight and Locksley have revealed their true identities. Ivanhoe has left the priory – earlier than ordered to by the Black Knight, though he can barely bear his corselet. Rebecca is just hours away from execution. Brian de Bois-Guilbert has been manipulated by Malvoisin away from defending Rebecca or fleeing and towards appearing in the lists. But his resolve is still shaky. As is mine. Yet, I’m swept forward by the to-do list, the inevitability of things happening that involve me (I must appear whether I like it or not, whether I can bear my corselet or not).

Oh, and I listened to the Broadway soundtrack of Man of La Mancha. I’m surprised at how much of it I know (down to all of the lyrics for “The Impossible Dream” – something I must have sucked up in my childhood without knowing it - I've never seen the play or film). Here’s part of the chorus from “I, Don Quixote”:

My destiny calls, and I go!
And the wild winds of fortune
Shall carry me onward ... To wither so ever they blow ...
Wither so ever they blow ...




Wither so ever they blow...

Takin’ the Fall (and lovin’ it?)

I’m in the middle of the trial scene in Ivanhoe where they’re trying to get Rebecca to take the fall. It happens to all of us. She has beauty and truth on her side. Will they carry enough clout to save her? I also read my horoscope and some D& G.

Horoscope: Don’t censor yourself as you test the boundaries.

D & G are talking about Monsters. They see monsters as filled with potential. I think I’ve mentioned this before. They cast their net widely (or maybe wildly) in this chapter (chapter 3). It’s wonderful. I love when they get on a wordy roll and then say on page 47 “We’re a little lost now.”

Last night in my dream, there were a lot of gift exchanges. I visited a lot of different houses, climbed stairs and stood on front porches. Some of you had cameo roles. One of my gifts, near the end of the dream was an animal. After all, I love animals. This animal was a half monkey, half bird. The ‘package’ was a dog and the ‘bunkey’ had to be birthed out of the dog. Both the birth and the animal were wild and monstrous. I was filled with fear. I wanted to doubt the sincerity of the gift. I read its potential as a test or a cruel joke. But it wasn’t all about me, was it? I managed to turn my attention to the animal and I remember thinking about what it might need from me. The dream ended unresolved. Was this dream a test of my boundaries?

Repeat horoscope: Don’t censor yourself as you test the boundaries.

The dream was so disturbing and fascinating I’m not sure that I should even be remembering it much less writing it down but…

Repeat horoscope: Don’t censor yourself as you test the boundaries.

My friend N. was so surprised recently by the mix of inaccuracy and precision of her horoscope that she told me about it over the phone and then emailed it to me. We’re not even close to being the same sign. She thought hers was funny. I didn’t find mine funny at all. It seemed more like a safety rope or a hand rail and I’ve been gripping it all week as I gingerly negotiate. I’m just wondering if I should read the new horoscope that comes out today and covers the next week.

Ambiguities

I still haven’t been able to make a commitment to Seven Types of Ambiguity even after all these weeks of having it out of the library (twice) and after I made a video about it. The second time I had it out of the library I only read three pages. I took it back on Saturday. I don’t know whether to get it out again and determinedly finish it or what. I’m still reading Ivanhoe although I did have to renew the book again…but I know I’ll finish it. I don’t understand why I feel particularly differently about the two books. Maybe I just can’t read two novels at the same time. Maybe once I finish Ivanhoe, the way will be clear to read Seven Types. Hard to say as I did read a whole children’s novel yesterday (called The Rational Brutes) without difficulty but that was work related…

Last time I was at the library, I picked up the new translation of DQ. Dare I even consider reading it? Actually I have flipped through it and read the bio. of Edith Grossman, the translator…I was looking for illustrations but no such luck. There’s a pretty scary-looking cover photo of a helmet…more apropos of one of Shakespeare’s tragedies or something…

Reading the Updo 2

Last time I was stepmother-of-the-bride and that warranted a certain kind of updo. This time I was 'just a friend'-of-the-bride and more completely casual altogether...but I still needed some kind of updo. And two updos in an 8-month period? Does this signal a change in me? Can I be read differently or do I read myself differently. Do I enable the updo in ways that I was unable to before? Am I addicted to the do? Two possibilities come to mind: that D&G are responsible in some way for the change (I give them a lot of credit - ATP is the best self-help book I've ever read) or it may be that I am 'becoming' middle-aged (which also gestures to D&G).

About thirty years ago, I went to the opera with my mother. She was in her middle age then. She liked sweater sets and pencil skirts. Fairly recently, she told me that she almost died when I showed up that day for the opera wearing demin overalls and sandles. I thought it was all about the music. I thought I was just there to sit and listen. I had no idea that it was quite a bit about promenading at intermission...

Preparing for a wedding is to some extent a matter of prereading or predicting what will be suitable. I wore orange to a winter wedding. Almost all of the other women wore navy or black. No one seemed to mind my 'look' but I did stick out visually. I can see it now in the photos! This time, to a summer wedding, I wore a blue and black dress. I had nice jewellery. I seemed to fit right in. I can't completely figure it out.

But up with the updo. I'm ready.

Veil 2

Looking one way and then the other

What happens when you have too much to read? I try to be systematic but I find that there’s also something productive or creative or even funny in being up to your eyeballs in books and papers knowing that you’ll never read them all even as you know that you have to read them all, you have to get a grip on the ‘field’ and the papers are flying around the room and keeping them straight is important and not important at the same time and you’re looking one way and then the other – especially when you’re writing three things at the same time and editing something else.

What happens when you have too much too read and you read it and then you have to integrate it into something you’re making? Does it stay sorted in your head in a way that makes it possible for you to find it, to navigate through it and does it look similar in your brain to how it looks in your office: piles of papers spread out over three desks and a bookshelf full of bookmarked library books plus the stuff on the computer that you’ve never printed because it’s 400 pages despite being only available on line? And reading off the computer screen is so not happening…

Yet no panic rises. It feels right. Is this psychonavigation? Is this the knowing that the route will be found and successfully negotiated without extreme danger? Although I did have a nightmare (unrelated to reading) last night…

Reading the fruit

Ivanhoe is turning out to be a bit of a page turner. If only I weren’t so tired when I start to read it…usually late at night after all the possible things that could be done in that day are done. Sometimes I can only manage to turn the page once or twice. And then I fall asleep and wake or drop the book. Right now Prior Aymer & Isaac are prisoners and negotiating their freedoms in a way that reveals both the best and worst of their characters. Well-dialogued! Scott manages to keep quite a few balls in the air at the same time…so, lots of adventure and Ivanhoe has completely disappeared again (from the pages of the book). I have a strong sense that we don’t really need him. But maybe that’s the trick so that he can later appear and do something remarkable. Maybe he’s the one to catch all of the balls that are up now and resolve all of the plots. Now there’s a hero. I feel like I need someone like that in my life right now. Life right now is turning out to be a bit of a page turner.

And this includes the garbage. The talk of the town these days is maggots. Everybody’s talking about maggots. This is because it’s very hot and they just started green bin recycling here and we’re up close and contending with maggots directly and it’s just not nice. Even over lunch the other day, somebody asked me for advice on dealing with their maggots. Then there was an article in View Magazine about them called, “Maggots, they’re not that Bad” with tips and all. I’d already figured out that you had to line the bin with something like a paper bag in order to keep it cleaner and that you had to keep the bin outside and hose it out every week. So I felt gratified to read that this was indeed a sensible approach. I didn’t know about freezing stuff before you put it out or using vinegar and other cleaning products etc. My main contact with maggots prior to this experience is having them in fruit that we grow in the garden. We had, up until this past winter, a dwarf sour cherry tree in our front garden. People would always come by when the tree was fruiting and ask if they could pick or try a cherry and I would tell them that they were sour cherries but that they could try them. I’d warn them that some of the cherries had maggots in them. I appreciated that these people asked. Sometimes, I’d be in the house and I’d see people stopping to pick the cherries. Usually they’d have some kind of discussion among themselves about whether these were really cherries and whether they were good to eat. For those people I’d always say under my breath, ”yes, help yourself, a maggot guaranteed in every one” because they really were not the greatest cherries. The tree was not in good condition and had to be taken down this past winter. We haven’t replanted yet. We still have a mulberry tree in the front. It’s interesting that no one touches that tree though the fruit is much better than the cherries were. It seems, from questions I get asked, that most people don’t even know what the tree is or that the fruit is highly edible. I guess it’s a matter of knowing how to read the trees and read the fruit. I still see shrubs with tantalizing-looking berries and wonder if they’re edible…

I just read an article about maggot art. I really don't know what to say about this except that as I've been reading a lot about early legistation against animal cruelty, I have no doubt that I'd have to advocate for the maggots on this one.